I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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