I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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