she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
