Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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