hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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