I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
