Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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