wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
