UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
