saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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