It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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