You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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