Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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