Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
