So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
