Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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