Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
