Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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