I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
