dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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