Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
