he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
what the fuck happened to the tacos
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
