so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
