Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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