I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel like death gave me a hand job
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
