I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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