Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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