Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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