Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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