Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
