I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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