soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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