I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
