I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
