omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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