Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
