He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
