Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
