girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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