This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
