Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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