Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
