Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
