I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
