actually, I'm a sock model
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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