put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
