Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
