Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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