I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
