Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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