I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize