I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
