fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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