i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
