Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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