At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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