I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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