STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
