He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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