Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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