I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
