if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
