This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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