Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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