He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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