I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
