where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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