1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
