i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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