do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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