Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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