Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
