You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
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